You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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