How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
