He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
