I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
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