He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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