did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
