Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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