The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
