finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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