I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
