If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Randomize
