miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
