Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
