Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Randomize
