I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
