no, he came in my armpit
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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