Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
