At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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