U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
