the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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