I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
