I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
