My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
