Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
