Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
