It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
