Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
