I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
