my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
