Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
