My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
being pregnant is like rehab
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
