Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
