i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
