i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Blood and glitter go together right?
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
