Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
