We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
