Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
