apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
