It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
