talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
