we have officially lost it.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
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