im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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