Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
