i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
so much tequila, so little girl.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
