I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
