so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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