at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
