A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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