my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
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