I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Randomize
