is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Randomize
