Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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