went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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